Hello Mr. Sadness

Dear Mr. Sadness,

Why did you have to choose me?  With so many poor helpless souls, you chose me.  You were here and there when I was 7 and came back around 9.  You pushed through my world at 11 and made me know for sure there was no such thing as true happiness.  Slowly filling my mind with desires of death.  It played over and over every day for years and years.

I remember when you were there suddenly without shame during the flag solute one day.  I cried and cried and yet no one could hear me.  Funny how people are there by your side, only to pity you right after.  Their pity then turns to annoyance at the sad girl.  What’s wrong with her? They’d say through their eyes.Well, it’s not my fault, it’s Mr. Sadness!

Just when I thought you left my life at 18, nope, you were there to stay.  You became bigger, eating all my hopes and joy.  You sucked me into the vortex of despair and I couldn’t see.  Hospital stays, and therapists galore, but nonetheless it didn’t help.

11 years later and I feel no different.  You will never leave me will you Mr. Sadness?  Will you always hide for a brief moment, giving me hope, just to come back?  Will I be strong enough to silence you forever?  I want that, I do, but it scares me.  We are one, you and I. You will never leave and that’s ok.  Try as I might, I’ll push you aside.  But I know the truth.  You will keep coming back, and one day….

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