Why did you have to choose me? With so many poor helpless souls, you chose me. You were here and there when I was 7 and came back around 9. You pushed through my world at 11 and made me know for sure there was no such thing as true happiness. Slowly filling my mind with desires of death. It played over and over every day for years and years.
I remember when you were there suddenly without shame during the flag solute one day. I cried and cried and yet no one could hear me. Funny how people are there by your side, only to pity you right after. Their pity then turns to annoyance at the sad girl. What’s wrong with her? They’d say through their eyes.Well, it’s not my fault, it’s Mr. Sadness!
Just when I thought you left my life at 18, nope, you were there to stay. You became bigger, eating all my hopes and joy. You sucked me into the vortex of despair and I couldn’t see. Hospital stays, and therapists galore, but nonetheless it didn’t help.
11 years later and I feel no different. You will never leave me will you Mr. Sadness? Will you always hide for a brief moment, giving me hope, just to come back? Will I be strong enough to silence you forever? I want that, I do, but it scares me. We are one, you and I. You will never leave and that’s ok. Try as I might, I’ll push you aside. But I know the truth. You will keep coming back, and one day….
Although I felt sluggish today, I have a surge of energy. I recently started working on an anthology. At least, perhaps it’s just a bundle of short stories. Not sure how they can all connect to each other, but whatever, I’m back at writing. I don’t like getting lazy after working on a book and publishing. After Amazons of the Myst, I took a 4 year hiatus. I think writing is something that I just have to do. If I get too lazy and don’t write, years will go by. For now I’m feeling pretty good and hope that this “anthology” or whatever it is will keep up the pace. I’ll let you know more about it in another post.
It has been a month since I released my self published second novel, Journey’s End. As happy as I am, I cannot help but feel the struggle. I have only sold 4 books and marketing my book is very difficult. Self publishing can be very freeing for free spirits like myself. It allows me to get my thoughts out there, but that doesn’t mean it will be received at all. The comments from some of the readers have been positive. The issue is that I am unable to reach more readers.
The old Jasmine would have gone into a corner in her mind and wept, but I believe that anything is possible if you truly want something. I have reached out to local libraries and even a book expo for next year. I am not certain that it will help me become famous or known, but exposure is better than no exposure. I hope that the next few months and following year will allow me to broaden my horizons.
Until then, be sure to check out my sample chapters on this site. If you want to read more, please go to Amazon to purchase your kindle or physical copy!